So... I'm pretty good at archery.
That'll be useful if you ever have a time machine
and your time machine breaks, and you're stuck in the Medieval Ages.
You're funny. It's weird.
Yeah. I'm weird.
Me too.
Yeah, right. Everyone loves you and your dad's like famous, or something.
My parents are getting a divorce, that's why I had to go to camp, so...
- Are you crying? - No.
Jesus.
Look... I'm not really an affectionate person.
People aren't meant to be together forever.
You think so?
Yeah.
Can I finger you?
No.
OK.
- Come on, baby, I got ya! - Don't drop me!
Hey! Hey!
Patrice!
Oh, my God! I told you that this was a pajama party.
What are you wearing? What is this?
You're wearing actual long johns? What?!
This is a frat party.
You just have to be drunk and look hot.
Watch and learn.
Hey. Hey!
I'm so drunk!
Drink! Drink! Drink!
Hey, do you know that girl?
The sexy pioneer?
I think I know her.
I'd have sex with a pioneer. For sure.
A hungry pioneer lost on the trail.
- Do I know you? - Hi, Adam Franklin of Camp Weehawken.
I'm Emma Kurtzman. You tried to finger me?
Yeah. Wow! Do you go here? Why?
- What are you doing at a party of frat? - No. I go to MIT,
but I have this family thing, and I grew up in Ann Arbor.
MIT? Wow. So you grew up to be a lot smarter than me.
Yeah, sometimes my neck gets sore.
- Why? - 'Cause my brain's so big.
I agree, it didn't work. Drop it.
I like you.
What? Why? You don't even know me.
I like you.
I have to go to this stupid thing tomorrow. You wanna come with me?
Yeah, sure. I'll come with you.
- What is it? - Some stupid thing.
I wanted to leave you with something David said to me
almost every day at the lab.
It's Einstein.
"There are only two ways to live your life.
One, as if nothing is a miracle.
The other, as if everything is a miracle."
For David, there was no bigger miracle than his family.
His daughters, Emma and Katie, and his wife, Sandra.
Mom?
I want you to meet Adam.
I'm so sorry.
And this is my sister, Katie, and her lover, Kevin.
Boyfriend. And my best friend.
Oh, well... thank you. I didn't know you were dating someone, Emma.
Oh, I'm not.
I just had a one-night stand with him when I was 14.
It was a really nice funeral.
I'm sorry.
I'm glad you stayed.
Me too.
So, I'll call you, or something...
Adam, you're wonderful.
If you're lucky, you're never gonna see me again.
Yes.
Hey.
Did we? Yes, we did. We went to college together.
You have two gay dads.
Yeah, I'm the man with the two gay dads.
They helped me move my boxes sophomore year.
They're the best. I love them. I'm super straight, though.
- So, yeah. - OK.
- You're Patrice, right? - Yes.
Yeah, Eli. I'm with... Adam!
I'll be right back.
Pick up some of that kettle corn.
- It's Patrice. - Hey!
- Patrice! Hey! - How are you?
- Weird. - Wow.
I haven't seen you in... wow.
- How are you? - Good.
Adam.
Emma.
What is this, the Peach Pit?
- And, yeah, that was a 90210 reference. - Yeah, you're super straight.
- What are you doing here? - I just moved here a week ago.
I'm doing my residency at the Westwood Teaching Hospital.
- Hi. - Vanessa, this is Emma.
- Emma, Vanessa. - Hi. How do you do?
This is our friend, Patrice.
- Hi. How do you do? - How do I what?
- Hi. - Hi.
Hi, you look nice.
It's nice to meet you.
You remember my sister, Katie. She's just finishing school here.
Yeah. I haven't seen you guys since...
- Yeah, Dad's funeral. - Dad's funeral.
Sad.
OK. Well, we should head out, so...
Yeah, we should, too. You know...
But we should hang out. Let me just... I'll get your number.
Yeah, just give me your phone. I'll put it in there.
Yeah, that's probably easier.
We really have to be somewhere now, so...
Yeah. We should...
Totally. Totally.
All right, well, good to hang out.
- Good seeing you guys. Have fun. - Yeah.
- Take care. - Take care, ladies.
And cut!
- Great. - That's good.
- OK! Yeah! - Great. Great.
OK, guys, we're gonna do this again. All right? Five minutes.
- All right, let's... - Good job.
- Great job. Great job... - Wait. What are, people?
- Hey, Benji! Good scene. - Cool. Thanks.
You looked great!
Sari. I told you to play hard to get.
I'm incredibly easy to get!
Adam.
You were gonna ask me something before the break.
- What was it? - Yeah, I...
Wait, wait, wait. Fuck, fuckety-fuck. What was it? Stop.
You wanted to know if you could get off early to see your dad,
- which is, yeah, totally fine. - Thank you.
By the way, tell your dad, it's like my favorite show ever.
Love it, own it, lost it, bought it again. It's so great.
"Great Scott!"
- You probably hear that all the time. - Not that much.
Yeah.
Chuck!
Chuck! If I catch you taking pictures of your dick one more time,
I'm gonna take that thing away.
Hello. How can I help you?
- Hey, Philippe, it's Adam. - Hi. Come in.
- Hey, Dad. - Hey.
Check it out.
Vinyasa yoga and the Army Ranger workout.
- I combined them! - Wow. That's very impressive.
I'm gonna do a video, I think. Vinyasa Power.
I can almost see where your muscles go.
Very funny. Hit me.
No, I'm not gonna hit you. I don't want to hurt you.
You're not gonna hurt me.
Come on, hit me. Give me your best shot.
Come on, quick, before I get a hernia!
No.
You're right. Let's smoke some weed.
This is really good stuff.
My agent got me one of those medical marijuana cards.
It's nice to see they're supporting your career.
Yeah. So, how's the show going?
I mean, great.
I mean, it's about high-schoolers who sing and dance and blog.
At least you're writing, that's what's important.
No. I'm an assistant.
Well, but... at least they've seen your writing.
Not yet.
Actually...
I wanted to get your opinion on this episode that I wrote.
Kind of a sample.
That's my boy.
I'll take a look at it, sure. And then I'll call somebody.
No. Do not call anyone. Just read it and tell me what you think.
OK.
So...
Are you having sex?
Yes. I'm having sex.
'Cause if you want any pointers, you know...
...I can help you out. If there's one thing you learn
after two failed marriages, it's how to eat kitty.
- Anyone special? - No.
I mean, not since Vanessa.
It's been a year. It's time to move on.
It's been eight months, Dad.
What did you want to talk to me about, anyway?
- You got a dog? Seriously, that's... - Freckles! Come!
You didn't tell him yet?
Damn!
I...
Adam, I wanted to tell you. I was just about to tell you.
How long?
- Well... - How long?
Not long. I...
She needed a place to stay because, you know, her landlord is such a D-bag.
Christmas. I ran into her at a party.
We got to talking. About you, mostly.
It looked so soft!
It's not. God!
Oh, that really hurt. Damn.
You're fucking my ex-girlfriend?
Well, yeah, but...
- She's just so hot. - I know how hot she is.
- That's really sweet. Thanks, guys. - Fuck you!
Adam. All right, I'm not the perfect dad.
But the worst thing you can do in life is to say no to love.
And I think she really loves me.
Don't.
Adam.
Hey, you know the best part about my gay dads?
What?
They're never gonna eat out my ex-girlfriends.
That's true.
Hey, I heard. You and your dad are tunnel buddies, huh?
- Wow, Wallace! - She chose your dad over you, man.
That's like trading an iPod for a 8 track.
You need to get even. Go have sex with one of his ex-girlfriends.
Hey, you think when he's busting a nut,
he's like, "Great Scott"? No?
Wait. Can we talk about something else? Like, literally, anything else?
- Yeah. - Of course. Yeah.
- Great Scott. - OK.
- That's it. I'm going for it. - Going for what?
I'm gonna call every girl in my phone
until someone agrees to have sex with me.
- That's strong. Toast to that. - Toast.
That is a terrible, self-destructive plan,
and we're behind you a hundred percent.
Well, hello to you!
Yeah, I can come to Ohio.
Ohio? No, you can't.
I'll take a cab.
No, it's fine. I'll come to you.
What hospital?
I just really need to be with someone right now.
Hey, I was wondering...
Do you have someplace I could put my boner?
No, it's just... we could just snuggle or something.
What? Well, how old are you?
- Oh... - OK.
I got it! I got it.
I got it. I got it.
I got it!
You don't remember my name, do you?
It's OK.
It's Shira, and you look like you could use some coffee.
Yes. Coffee's good.
I got...
Where are my pants?
I don't know. They could be anywhere. Here's your coffee.
Thank you.
Did you have a good time last night?
It was all right. Nothing special.
Listen, I want you to know that...
...I respect you.
Thank you.
Normally, I would remember the name of someone that I've...
What? Oh, my God.
Did you think we had sex? Oh, my God, we did not have sex.
Hey, Adam. You left your socks in my room.
- Did I? - You did.
Did I, by chance, leave my pants in your room?
No. When we met, you weren't wearing pants.
Stop teasing him, you guys.
- Patrice. Hey, I know you. - Hey.
- Yeah. - OK.
What happened last night?
- Did we do it? - We had sex.
Yeah. I really liked it.
I didn't know that my body could handle that much pain.
And that I would like it.
You're up.
Emma.
- You live here? - Yep.
You feeling any better?
Did I have sex with anyone in this apartment last night?
No, you didn't.
- No. Sorry. - You didn't.
Thank you. Yeah, that's... that's funny.
Let's make fun of the hung-over naked guy.
But I do have your pants, so if you want them, come with me.
Yes. Thank you.
You don't have to feel embarrassed, because we're all doctors,
so we see literally hundreds of penises a week.
I see thousands.
I just pulled a penis out of a VitaminWater yesterday.
- So, we are cool with penises here. - OK.
We're professionals.
Well...
It has been a pleasure.
Bravo.
- Nice. - Bravo, bravo.
Yep, I'm definitely gay.
So, how did I get here?
You texted me that it was an emergency,
and then I texted you my address, and then you came over.
And I think you thought you were at home,
because you started taking off all your clothes.
Oh, God.
- Here are your pants. - Thank you.
So...
- Did I just pass out on your couch? - No.
No, then you did this thing. It was...
...like a dance?
- Dance? - Yeah, like...
- I shook my dick at you? - Yeah.
Oh, shit. I'm sorry.
No, no, it was... it was exciting.
It was like you were cheering while you were doing it.
You were like, "Look at my dick!"
- Did you look at it? - Yeah, I looked.
It was nice. You have a really nice penis.
- Nice? - It seems kind of like carefree.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Jesus. I don't know where to start. My dad's...
My dad's dating my ex-girlfriend.
You told me about it last night.
Did I tell you like in a charming way?
Was I like charming and funny when I told you?
Yeah. You were...
...naked and crying.
Yeah.
I'm a mess.
Hey.
It's gonna be OK.
Thanks.
Seriously.
Thank you.
I should probably get ready now. I don't want to be late.
Yeah, it's... You don't want to be late.
No, that would be bad.
Condom?
- Condom. Get a condom. - I know. Condoms.
- OK. - Condoms.
Got it.
- Got it. - Hurry.
You need help?
- I got it. - OK.
Here we go.
Oh, you got your...
- Yep. - Let me just...
- Hey. - Yeah.
- We're having sex. - I know.
Emma, we have to be in the hospital in ten minutes.
OK.
You have 45 seconds to pull your shit together, OK?
- I'm way ahead of you. - Fine.
Fine.
- Found it! - Oh, great.
Thank you.
So, we're not gonna tell anyone about this, OK?
- Yeah. Of course. - It's just easier that way.
- Definitely. - Good.
Emma, time to go!
Coming!
- All right? - Is this?
- No. - It looks like something happened.
I'm gonna get the bill. I'll pay for it.
Thank you.
- Hey. - Hey.
Hi.
I just wanted to follow up that text with a phone call.
Wanted to see if you wanted to hang out again.
I'm starving.
That's weird. You just pulled up
in front of the restaurant that I'm eating at.
Hey.
Hi.
- Hey. I'm Sam. - We work together at the hospital.
We have like 15 minutes to get food, so...
She's just using me for my car.
- You're a doctor? - Not yet. Fingers crossed.
Awesome. That's awesome for you.
- Hey, Eli. - Hey.
Well, we're kind of in a rush, so it was good seeing you.
- Nice to meet you. - Nice meeting you.
You look beautiful today.
Nice meeting you.
You piece of shit.
- What? - "What?" Let me ask you.
Did you have sex with Emma?
No.
Did you have sex with Emma?
Yes.
- I'm not supposed to tell anyone. - Yes! Wow!
I called her, but she didn't call me back. She sent me a text.
- All right. Well, what'd she text you? - "Hi."
- Just "Hi"? - "Hi."
With nothing else? Just "H-i"?
I don't know. What do I do with that? I don't know.
That's not good.
You just gotta walk away, pal. It's over.
- She's not into it. - Shit. Seriously?
- Good seeing you guys. - See you later.
You really think she's just using him for his car?
No, Adam, I don't. I think he wants to fuck her in his Prius.
And the thing about fucking in a Prius
is that you don't have to feel guilty afterwards.
- 'Cause of the carbon footprint. - Yeah.
- Metzner talked to me the other day. - Shut up. What did he say?
He was like, "No, you're doing that wrong." It was amazing.
Emma.
What are you doing here?
Hi. You didn't call me back, so I thought I'd come here.
It's for you.
"Congrats"? For what? Having sex with you?
Yeah. You did a good job, so... I thought you deserved a balloon.
- I'm working. - OK.
So, what's up with not calling me back?
- I'm not good at this stuff. - At what, talking?
Yeah, talking. Communicating. Relationship stuff.
It's just... This is...
If we were in a relationship,
I'd become a weird, scary version of myself, and...
My throat starts constricting, the walls start throbbing.
It's like a peanut allergy, like... an emotional peanut allergy.
Well, I can't date you, either. 'Cause you're not my dad's type, so...
Emma, rounds. Hey, Adam.
- What's up? - Look, I should probably go.
Thank you. We'll be friends, right?
Yeah, friends.
With the height difference?
We stand next to each other, it looks like he's kidnapping me.
- What? - You always do this.
You always find something wrong with everybody who likes you.
And I date guys who have real problems.
I date guys who steal my credit card,
and then they tell me it's my fault because I left it out.
You find these perfect guys,
and then you're like, "It'll never work, he's too happy."
What's up, Dr. Metzner?
Did I just say "What's up" to Stephen Metzner?
That was really hard to watch.
Look, I know I'm supposed to want to be in a relationship.
But I'd just end up with a broken heart and a bunch of his old T-shirts.
- Just from a purely logical aspect... - What are you doing?
- I'm texting him. - Of course you are.
You know, you shouldn't have gotten her a balloon actually.
Who do you think you are, the old guy from Up?
You told me to get her a balloon.
Well, I didn't think you'd actually do it. It's a terrible idea.
Listen. Hey, nobody knows about this,
- so don't say anything to anyone. OK? - All right, I won't.
- It's from Emma. - What's it say?
- "Where are you?" - What are you writing?
"Hi, how are you doing?" And then a winky face.
No, Adam, it's after 10pm.
Come on, the "Where are you?" text is like saying:
"Hey, I want to have sex with you,
but I just need to know how drunk you are."
Hey.
Did you fuck Emma and then bring her a balloon?
What? Did you tell him?
No! Yes!
- You can't tell anyone. - She just texted him, "Where are you?"
Oh, she wants the dick.
Adam, you want to come back strong here. Go from a position of power.
Something like, "Where am I? Why don't you check your underpants."
- Yeah. Don't write that. - Yeah!
- I would never write that. - See, I like to be kind of scary.
Like, "Boo! Here comes my dick."
Did you have sex with some girl and give her a balloon?
Can we not tell everyone?
I apologize.
So, what'd you write back?
"Hi."
- Yeah, that could work. - Yeah, it's not bad. "Hi" is fine.
There were so many interesting things going on.
- Yeah. - That flippy thing, what was that?
Sure, I just, I don't know, I had an idea, I just went with it.
- That was a really good call. - Thank you.
We probably shouldn't snuggle.
Yeah. That just felt wrong.
I should head out.
- Already? - Yeah.
You want to grab a muffin or something?
I can't. I have to go to work.
OK. You know, I don't want to freak you out, but...
...I'd love to hang out with you in the daytime sometime.
It's not really possible. I have no time.
I work 80 hours a week, doing 36-hour shifts.
What I need is someone who's gonna be in my bed at 2am,
who I don't have to lie to or eat breakfast with.
I hate breakfast. And lying.
I also hate war.
Do you want to do this?
Do what?
Use each other for sex, at all hours of the day and night.
Nothing else.
- Yeah, I could do that. - Good.
It's gonna be fun.
- You know this is never gonna work. - Why not?
Because clearly you're gonna fall in love with me.
Oh, really? Well, then we just do this
until one of us feels something more, and then we stop.
- Well, it won't be me. - It won't be me.
Good luck with that.
- Hey. - Hey.
We're sex friends.
Just friends who have sex.
That's not possible.
I'm going to distribute these for an hour or so.
Listen, we should keep this simple.
I mean, maybe we should establish some ground rules.
Ground rules. Good idea.
OK, well, we can start with no fighting.
- No lying. - Those are good ones.
No jealousy, no staring deeply into each other's eyes.
Don't list me as your emergency contact. I won't come.
Isn't that against your Hippocratic oath?
- Yeah. - Yeah?
- I'd let you die. - Oh, yeah?
I'll be back in like... an hour.
Have fun.
I'm just getting some yogurt.
God, I am single as fuck.
Oh, my God.
It looks like it's coming right at me.
Hey, one more thing.
Don't call my penis cute.
Even if it's dressed up like a Care Bear,
and it's giving you a Care Stare.
Don't dress up your penis. Ever.
Does your insurance cover invasive procedures?
OK. OK, this is getting a little too realistic.
Trust me.
I can't focus on my porn with all this real sex going on around me!
Yes, I'm ready.
What are you doing?!
I just friended you. Do you think you're gonna confirm or ignore?
Oh, I'm gonna confirm. For sure.
Yeah, look at you. Of course.
Anytime. Need some help?
Oh, beautiful! Beautiful!
...the tomatoes are Australian.
- What was that? - What?
- Are you being jealous? - Of that guy? Come on.
Look, even if I did like him, it doesn't change what we're doing.
- Ah, so you like him. - Adam, I'm not yours.
No, of course not. Why would I think that?
Wow. Prius. Nice.
- It's kind of girly, but nice, huh? - What do you drive?
Just an old BMW. Five series. Right there.
Oh, yeah, sure. I actually paid for mine.
I didn't take it from my parents.
Yeah, I paid for mine, too.
Oh, yeah?
You're a big guy. Do you work out?
Oh. I row.
Like boats?
- I rowed crew at Harvard. - Oh, Harvard.
What were you, a cocksman? What do they say?
- What do they call it? - Coxswain.
No. You know, I get it, right? That you're sleeping with Emma?
I what?
That you and Emma have sex sometimes. I get it.
She's tired, she calls you up, you drive over,
and have sex for, I'm guessing, ten minutes.
Think that's gonna last?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Sure you do. And that's fine, for now.
But you should just know that I'm gonna be there right next to her every day,
using big words...
...saving people's lives.
Then, when she's done having her fun with you, she's gonna
come running to me, because I'm a grownup, and I have a real job.
I can actually take care of her, you know?
I'm the guy she marries, Adam.
You're the guy she fucked a couple of times in the handicapped bathroom.
- What's this? - These are my feet, Adam.
- They're fantastic. - No, this.
That's your script.
Your dad told me to give it to you.
Yeah, he read it, and he gave you notes, and...
I'm not saying Alvin and I did mushrooms together,
but I'm not prepared to say that we didn't.
I know that you have issues with your dad, and that's cool,
but he really likes you and he definitely likes me,
and we were just jamming ideas and goofing around
and tripping our balls off.
Hey. So... I really feel like it needs to be more ghetto.
You know, like, more crunk? Can you work it out? Thanks.
- Hey. Nice moves. - Hey.
I know you were trying really hard out there, but it just didn't work.
Hey, would you ever? I...
I wrote an episode.
- I used to write in college, so... - OK.
I'm gonna have to stop you right there.
- Not your job. - Yeah.
Hey. I'm, like, actually one of those freaks who reads things,
so if you wanted to give it to me, that's cool.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Thank you. - Sure.
Megan listens to me. Sometimes.
Victoria! Seriously? Like, I can see you smoking right there.
Put it out! I'm not gonna chase you.
I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna... Victoria! Hey!
Emma!
Katie, is everything OK? I got your message.
Emma, I have really good news.
OK, it happened yesterday after the picnic,
but I wanted to tell you in person.
Oh, my God.
I'm getting married.
I'm getting married!
- You're getting married. - I'm getting married!
Mom is so excited.
She was like screaming and crying last night.
And she's gonna fly down with Bones and help me shop for the dress.
With who? "Bones"? Who's Bones?
- Oh, crap. - Katie, who's Bones?
He's Mom's friend.
I wasn't supposed to tell you about it. Crap.
She has a boyfriend? Named Bones?
- What is he, a drifter? - No.
Why didn't she tell me?
Well, Emma...
You're so good at being alone. Mom and I aren't like that.
- What's that supposed to mean? - It just is true.
Look, Katie.
You're 22. Do you really think you're ready to quit school?
I love him.
Tea for your 'gina.
Thanks. My sister's getting married.
- Yes, we know that. - We heard.
Oh, shut up, Emma.
Did you take your Pamprin?
- Leave me alone. - You leave me alone.
I love it when we're all on the same cycle.
We all get to be passive-aggressive and fight.
You are not even a woman.
Who is that?
Hello?
Hey, it's Adam.
Are you kidding me?
Go away.
I've got cupcakes.
Hello, everyone.
I told you not to come. It's not safe in here.
Do you think that you have red velvet in there?
I might.
Let's take a look and see what we have here.
Shira, chocolate. Now.
I understand what's going on. You're all on the same cycle.
This is very exciting.
Your uterine walls will be shedding for the next three to five days.
Nice memorization. Did you Google that?
I may have.
Because you're women. And I think that's a beautiful thing.
It's like a crime scene in my pants.
Oh. I also...
...made you this.
To help soothe your womb.
It's a mix.
"Even Flow," "Red Red Wine."
"Sunday Bloody Sunday"?
Adam.
Did you make me a period mix?
That's so romantic.
Frank Sinatra.
"I've Got The World On A String."
It's a classic.
Keep, keep bleedin' love
I keep bleedin'...
Get that shit away from me.
Come on, it's soup. It's good for your uterus.
Just take it, or I'm gonna keep singing.
Keep bleedin', I keep, keep bleedin' love
Oh, shit.
Oh, Adam.
Adam.
What?
We fell asleep. We were spooning.
- We were? - Yeah.
And we were spooning with our clothes on,
which is like ten times worse.
- Oh, shit. - Yeah.
- Fully clothed spoon. - This is bad.
This is my fault. I should not have made you soup.
- What are we gonna do? - About what?
Maybe we should... Maybe we should stop for a while.
No, we're not stopping.
Yeah, well, I don't know.
Go hook up with someone else.
- Are you serious? - Yeah, go...
Go to the nearest bar and have sex with a stranger.
- You're kidding? - No.
- This is crazy. - You made me a period mix.
Adam, this is an emergency.
- So you just want me to go? - Yeah.
- Just have sex with a random woman? - Yeah, go.
Like a sexual woman?
Yes!
I'll go have sex with someone, too.
OK.
- No, this is gonna be good for us. - Yeah. It's great.
Great. Well done. Well played.
Bye.
I haven't seen her in two weeks, so...
She said I should hook up with other people.
I mean, what am I supposed to do with that?
- Look at my face. - No, I get it. I just...
Look at my face. What does my face say?
Yeah, Adam, come on, you're living every man's dreams.
I mean, she wants you to hook up with other girls.
- Yes. - Look, in ten years from now,
you're gonna be having sex with your wife.
And it's gonna be in the missionary position.
- And one of you is going to be asleep. - Yep.
And you're gonna think back to this moment,
and you're gonna call me up, crying.
And I'm gonna laugh in your face, Adam. I'm sorry, but it's what I'm gonna do.
This is a gift right now.
You don't even have to have breakfast with her.
I know. I get that. I just...
Look at my face.
You bringing Adam to the Christmas party tonight?
No. Things were getting too intense, so we decided not to see each other
until we hook up with other people.
OK. Yes. Good. We are getting laid tonight, right?
This is gonna be like Sideways, except that you're Paul Giamatti,
- and I'm the guy that gets laid. - I can't get laid?
No. Tonight is about me, Emma. All right? I'm feeling hot.
I'm feeling good. I am wearing bikini bottoms
because my other underwear is dirty.
All right, we're hot. You feel hot?
No one threw up on me today.
We're sluts, Emma! We're dirty, dirty, sluts!
- OK. - Remember, we're sluts!
Good evening, sir.
No, I got that! I got that, pal. That's gonna be me.
- Did you just open the car door for me? - Yes, I did.
No one's ever done that for me before. Do it again.
All right.
- How's that? - It's amazing.
Can I have your arm?
So, when I have to tell someone that someone they loved died,
it's hard, you know? Sometimes I laugh.
Because it's kind of weird.
Very nice.
- Oh, don't even think about it. - I'm gonna go talk to him.
Emma, no.
I'm gonna do this.
Emma, think about your career. Do not do this.
- Dr. Metzner. - Yes?
Hi. I'm Emma Kurtzman.
I've been ho, ho, hoping that I'd get the chance to talk to you.
- Does anyone here need a drink? - Patrón!
How are you guys doing?
- Joy, come join us. - Hey, Joy.
- What's up? - I have to work.
- Come on, just sit down for a second. - Sit down.
- OK. - Come on. Here. You take that one.
- We're just hanging. - Thank you.
Screw the customers.
She is so good at impressions.
- Do an impression, then. - Yes, do an impression.
All right, guess who this is.
Dad!
- Dad! - Oh, my God, that's so cute.
- I don't know. - Come on.
- Where are you? - I don't know.
- Where are you, Dad? - It's Nemo.
- Yes! - Yeah.
- Nemo. - Amazing.
I don't know why I didn't get that. How did you know that?
'Cause I've seen it a thousand times. That's how.
- Drew Barrymore. - I don't know if I'm drunk enough.
- Come on. - You can't do Drew Barrymore.
Oh, but she can.
Happy holidays. I was in The Wedding Singer.
That's it. That's all I have.
That was kind of an amazing Drew Barrymore.
You kind of even looked like her when you did it.
Oh, my God, Joy. I love you so much.
You do?
Yeah.
Lisa...
...I love you.
- Wait. - I'm seriously in love with you.
Wait. Why didn't you tell me sooner?
- I didn't have the courage. - Oh, my God. This is amazing.
- God, you look so beautiful. - And your eyes are so pretty.
- Have you got? - Let's do this.
Wallace, could you take a picture of this?
Yeah, Wallace, I got a camera right here, if you just wanna...
No problem at all. Just get a little closer, ladies.
All right. Everybody smile.
Happy ho-lidays!
Hey, hey!
Merry Christmas. Happy holidays.
Can I get you a dri?
You want to get out of here?
Yes. Yeah.
I'll get my stuff.
Listen, don't fuck one of those girls.
They're not... they're not nice. They're not nice girls.
What? Emma?
Is that you?
Katie!
Yeah, hi. What are you doing? Where are you?
I'm just studying for the doctor test.
You're coming tomorrow, right?
Hold on.
Hey, Adam.
I am following your instructions diligently.
- Put that away! - Who are you talking to?
Are you there? You're not there, are you?
Taxi! Taxi!
Take me to Adam's house.
- OK, ma'am, where's that? - Where Adam lives.
- All right... - Just go. Go.
OK, I'm going.
Got a cocktail for the ladies.
That's my Christopher Walken.
Yeah. I'll just set these over here and...
...then we can all sort of involve ourselves in...
OK, let's...
Well, you guys are doing a really good job.
I'll just be over here if you need me.
Adam!
Adam Franklin!